Buffys song
by Kristi-730
Summary: After Graduation Buffy reflects. Deals with thoughts of suicide


Title:Buffy's song  
  
Rating:Dunno, PG-13?  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own nothin'. Characters belong to Joss, songs belong to Blink 182 and Bryan Adams.  
  
Feedback:Yes please!  
  
Buffy Summers laid spralled out on her bed. Graduation was over and they survived. But if the survived then why did she feel like she was dead inside? Angel was gone. He left her alone, all alone.  
  
*I never thought I'd die alone  
  
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?  
  
I traced the cord back to the wall  
  
No wonder it was never plugged in at all  
  
I took my time, I hurried up  
  
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough  
  
I'm too depresed to go on, you'll be sorry when I'm gone*  
  
It seemed as if the song was being played just for her. She tore a sheet of paper from her diary and grabbed a pink gel pen from her bedside table. She began writing, and all the words that she wrote came straight from her heart.  
  
*I never conqured, rarely came  
  
16 just held such better days  
  
Days when I still felt alive  
  
We couldn't wait to get outside  
  
The world was watching  
  
Hate to try  
  
The tour was over we'd surivied  
  
I couldn't wait till I got home  
  
To pass the time in my room alone*  
  
She couldn't pretend that her life was perfect anymore. Ever since Prom she wanted to die. That first night after 'the breakup' she took 900 milligrams of sleeping pills, only to throw them up. She wished her life could be easy. She wished she had never become the slayer. She wished that her life wasn't so hard.  
  
*I never thought I'd die alone  
  
Another six months, I'll be unknown  
  
Give all my things to all my friends  
  
You'll never step foot in my room again  
  
You'll close it off, board it up  
  
Remember the time that I spilled the cup  
  
Of apple juice in the hall  
  
Please tell mom this is not her fault*  
  
A tear fell onto the paper smearing some of the words.  
  
"Sh*t."She wispered wipping away tears.  
  
"No."She scolded herself,"You are not weak Buffy. You won't cry."  
  
But that's what she wanted. She wanted to stay in her room for ever and never come out. Just cry for days. Weeks. Months.  
  
*I never conqured, rarely came  
  
16 just held such better days  
  
Days when I still felt alive  
  
We couldn't wait to get outside  
  
The world was watching  
  
Hate to try  
  
The tour was over we'd surivied  
  
I couldn't wait till I got home  
  
To pass the time in my room alone*  
  
Life was so hard. Sure every teenager say's that but her life, was. It was harder then any teenagers. Prom night wasn't the first time she thought of suicide. After she sent Angel to hell, she almost stabbed herself with her stake. Mr. Pointy was almost her way out of this life. But she didn't. She felt something go over her and she couldn't do it.  
  
*I never conqured, rarely came  
  
Tomorrow holds such better days  
  
Days when I can still feel alive  
  
When I can't wait to get outside  
  
The world is watching  
  
The time goes by  
  
The tour is over I'd surivied  
  
I can't wait till I get home  
  
To pass the time in my room alone*  
  
She signed the letter as the song ended and she folded it in half. She pulled a knife out of her dresser drawer and took a deep breath.  
  
I can do this. I can.she thought.  
  
She slowly began to run the knife over her wrist as the radio announcer said "And now we have a dedication to a recent high school graduate Buffy Summers."  
  
Buffy's head perked up as she heard her name.  
  
"Buffy,if you're listening this goes out to you from Angel. He want you to know that he's sorry and that he owes you his life."  
  
*It still feels like our first night together  
  
Feels like the first kiss and  
  
It's gettin' better baby  
  
No one can better this  
  
I'm still hold on and you're still the one  
  
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get  
  
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer  
  
You still turn the fire on  
  
So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't  
  
You're the only one I'd ever want  
  
I only wanna make it good  
  
So if I love ya a little more than I should  
  
Please forgive me I know not what I do  
  
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you  
  
Don't deny me  
  
This pain I'm going through  
  
Please forgive me  
  
If I need ya like I do  
  
Please believe me  
  
Every word I say is true  
  
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you  
  
Still feels like our best times are together  
  
Feels like the first touch  
  
We're still gettin' closer baby  
  
Can't get close enough  
  
I'm still holdin' on  
  
You're still number one  
  
I remember the smell of your skin  
  
I remember everything  
  
I remember all your moves  
  
I remember you  
  
I remember the nights ya know I still do  
  
One thing I'm sure of  
  
Is the way we make love  
  
And the one thing I depend on  
  
Is for us to stay strong  
  
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'  
  
That's why I'm sayin'...* 


End file.
